VIT went to a very big shopping centre today with a French lodger we have staying. Actually she went to the Bishop’s house to do the 7th CRB check in as many years, but tied this in with the shopping centre. And she bought some shoes. They are black. Here they are.
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The Bishop likes black shoes. The letter inviting us both to dinner the week before the ordination twice requires black shoes to be Now the VIT is on a silent retreat for 48 hours (practice for the ordination one) it feels very odd knowing you’re not supposed to disturb her, text her, phone her etc etc. Not that there’s a phone signal but that’s not the point. Nor do I have anything in particular to say.  Harvest Moon A nice picture from this morning while walking the dog. So what’s this all about then? People build church buildings, tall spires to – to what? Get nearer to God – didn’t work with the Tower of Babel. Maybe to show how big and powerful (and pointy) God is compared with smaller people down below. Or maybe as an offering to God to compare our insignificance with his omnipotence. And far beyond is the moon, a second and a half at the speed of light and 3 days by Apollo. How long have people looked up and thought about the maker of the Universe, and wondered how much he or she interferes with or controls, or guides, or ignores the billions of people walking around on the earth? The story of the Gospels says he loves every one of us. The clash between nihilistic atheism and incarnational theism, between Dawkins and Williams, is rehearsed almost daily in the “broadsheet” newspapers and on the radio and TV. Is this all a cosmic accident or something more purposed? The scientist in me (for I have a degree in Physics) considers the evidence for Big Bang; the millenia that have passed since then and all the time for random selection to take its course to produce “miracles” like the eye, the knee joint and the human brain. All this can be explained without need for a God, although a God may make some of the knottier questions easier. Then the same scientist wonders how people get healed when they are prayed for, against the odds and against the statistics and with demonstrable effect. And then if this God will do that (and I think I believe that s/he does), why does he not stop a holocaust or a terrorist, yet apparently provide a parking space for a charismatic in a hurry. I guess one day we will find out. I went with VIT to Compline last night. Incense, quite still and quiet and nicely led by a student. An attempt to carry the old monastic tradition of prayer through the night into something more do-able for ordinary mortals. Followed by wine and cheese. All very civilised.
As I sat there I thought about the various people present, some with family at home. I wondered how “monastic” the C of E expects its clergy to be. And it made me think about the obligations and duties VIT will be taking on this summer. Often the scariest things are the things you don’t know about, the unquantified threats and changes. As the husband of someone in training it is only in the last 12 months that I have really begun to understand the nature of the thing VIT is taking on, despite her initially going to a selection conference 20 years ago. Could I have anticipated this? Probably. Did I? No, not really. Could the recruitment process have done more to help? Probably. Did it? No, not really. Not least because it is hard to know how to involve spouses at an appropriate level. But there is much I still don’t understand. From the nature of ontological change, to what living “over the shop” might be like; from what clergy working hours imply for a family (both good and bad) to how we will “do” church as a family and what will be the expectations of a curate’s husband. Will I still be able find God in my garden ( if I have a garden that is) on a Sunday morning as well as in church? It has to be said VIT is pretty cool about this last point, bless her. And one final thought this morning. What I am I going to do with an entire greenhouse full of tender fuchsias and geraniums? Difficult to know the answer to this question. I was talking to a friend the other day about the way in which the C of E places its curates. It’s completely serial. Normal jobs are filtered by looking at the ads, deciding which ones look appropriate and which don’t and then applying for the ones that look like they might fit. But not in the C of E where a combination of prayer and discernment is used instead. No applicant can look at more than one job at once and no “employer” – i.e. training vicar can look at more than one curate at once. If the aspirant trainee turns something down they have no idea what may be offered next – it could be much more appropriate or much less so. The trainee is completely dependent on the goodwill, skill and intuition of the intermediary in all this, the Diocesan Director of Ordinands.
Whether or not the system works in the end, it undoubtedly causes considerable stress for the people going through it. So in responding less than generously to VIT when she talked to me on the phone about the latest offer (I called the process cruel and unusual) I wonder if I am being overly paranoid and selfish or just normal. I am not quite sure. It’s a very odd thing having a spouse at theological college. I haven’t so far had the chance to take part in any of the courses at Coverdale Hall – although they are very welcoming if you want to. Despite this I have been learning things about what it means to be the spouse of someone training for ministry, and about the journey that one is taken on – by college or by the diocese or by God – as your spouse goes through training and the search for a curacy. In our case this latter is not yet settled. There is a real sense in which you are being asked to give up control of aspects of your life. Things like where you might live and work; who owns and manages the house in which you might live, which church you attend, where your children go to school, the days and months in which you might take your holidays, and a bundle of other things. All are up for grabs, or uncertain at least. What follows may sound like special pleading, but I recently read a PhD thesis by Sarah-Jane Page who’s a researcher in the Social Policy department at the University of Nottingham. She looked at women clergy with children, and at non-ordained husbands of clergywomen. In the case of the latter she identifies some of this loss of control as especially counter-cultural for the men involved, since it challenges their sense that these are the things that the man “is supposed to provide” for his family. Now I am more of a “new man” than some: I can do an entire load of washing and ironing, I do collect my small child from school and I can shop and cook the tea, amongst other things. (I’m also very good at pastry.) I won’t deny though that the domestic management load falls more on VIT than me. Anyway, what I’m saying is that I am not a classic “alpha male.” Nevertheless I could really connect with Dr Page’s observations that deep in the male psyche somewhere is a voice that says it’s his job to provide for his family. And the lack of control about “what next?” in terms of where, in what, and how we live is a challenge to that voice which goes very deep. This must be true for men becoming curates too, but the loss of control is more complete where the interface for such negotiations as are possible is not direct but through your spouse. (No one core to this process has directly asked the future vicar’s husband what he thinks, it’s all done through the ordinand.) Then there’s the faith part which says “trust God.” I think have found few things since becoming a Christian 34 years ago which have stretched me more than this. If this is God’s voice saying “trust me” and “in what do you find your security?” then it’s a good thing to listen. But how do I work out if it’s God? And isn’t this a rather similar question to that asked by the ordinand before they go for selection? In the peculiar process that is finding a curacy, a diocese can “release” one of its sponsored ordinands. Without being “released” the ordinand has to look for a job in their own diocese and can not move (see earlier posting.) This is a polite C of E doublespeak way of saying one or more of the following:
Guess what the letter which arrived this morning from the local Regional General Manager (see http://www.vicarsfamilyintraining.org.uk/archives/32 for explanation of this term) said…. OK, now you’ve guessed. I wonder whether this is a threat to all that is comfortable about living in the lovely house and city we’ve been in for 23 and 29 years respectively; or an opportunity to enjoy pastures new. I suppose it depends on our sense of adventure. And does it mean I can finally write to the Regional General Manager and tell him what I think of his HR processes? Do you remember those “spot the difference” pictures you used to do as a child? Two similar pictures with a number of differences, some of which were fairly obvious and usually two or three which took a while to find. Here’s an updated version of one of those, except that we have two ordinands instead of two pictures. We still have to spot the difference between the two. We have to imagine that it is a year till ordination and conversations are beginning about where the ordinands might go to do their curacy. You also have to bear in mind that no ordinand is permitted to look at more than one curacy at once. Nor is any vicar allowed to look at more than one curate once. Nor can an ordinand from one diocese look outside that diocese without it being “released.” Essentially this means you have irrevocable permission to bugger off. So it is entirely possible that jobs which are geographically close by are not available because they are in a different diocese. (It’s a bit like living in Berwick-upon-Tweed and wanting to go to school in Scotland) This is not remotely like a normal job recruitment process. It is supposed to allow for “discernment.” This may allow God into the situation, or it may just be a fancy way of dressing up an outmoded process with a spiritualised word. Anyway, here are the two ordinands whose differences we have to spot.
Well, you might notice that one is male and the other is female. The one left is in black and white while the other is in colour. Still not got it? Perhaps you could try the thought that the man was probably inside when his photograph was taken where is the woman was outside in the country when she was painted. No, that is not it either. You want a clue? There are some other people in one of the pictures. Does that tell you anything? You’re getting warmer now. yes, the female ordinand has a family (and in this case three dogs, a harp and a large Greek vase.) So, what does this have to do with the Church of England and our two ordinands? Well, the answer of course is deployment. Who is going to find it easier to up sticks and move? No prizes for guessing. One then has to ask whether the Church of England, or at least some bits of the Church of England, have noticed this? It sometimes feels as if they still think all their ordinands are young, single or recently married, and either childless or with preschool age children. If the church wants to train married people with families, it has to engage with the question of whether and how to deal with the idea of moving those families around the country. It is a very long time since anyone from the dioceses asked this VHIT what he thought about this, and so far the signs that any of this is being taken into account are not very good. Of course, in a normal job recruitment situation the occupation, ties and other factors surrounding the spouse of an applicant are strictly off-limits, and rightly so. But this is not a normal job recruitment situation. I am hoping that God is in there somewhere.
The parish were delightful, presenting VIT with a card and flowers, and then praying for us all. So far, looking on the bright side is working. And in this breathless race that is ordination training, she’s off to the East End of London for Easter. What with a mining village and an agricultural community, this is a varied series of placements. I still haven’t worked out where the rest of family belong in all this, but I dare say that will come.
The first posting on this blog concerned coffee and the likelihood of my drinking coffee with the Coverdale Hall wives and husbands. Well, I didn’t envisage six weeks off on crutches at that point, so yesterday I went to my first coffee morning. Ever. In my life. And jolly good were the coffee, cakes and company. Thank you to the host and the company. And my “taxi” driver who once owned an Austin Maxi. |
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