When VIT and I got married she promised to Love, Honour and Obey me. (Yeah, don’t laugh but she did, wearing her red shoes and looking fabulous.) I had just promised to Love, Honour and Worship her. Whether or not you like the idea of a woman promising to obey her husband, there is a mutuality about this promise – she has to obey me 
– but I have to worship her. Hold on to that thought for a moment.
No one tells you when your other half becomes a VIT quite how much control is surrendered. Their own control over their life, and the VFITs over theirs. It’s partly practical – “you shall be at Morning Prayer” – but that’s really only a sign of something much bigger.
When someone is ordained (or when they’re licenced as a reader) they have to promise to obey their bishop “in all things lawful and godly.” Most parts of the church take this promise very seriously indeed. This requirement for obedience appears to extend to ordinands too, although VIT (as an ordinand) has never formally had to swear any oath of obedience.
So, here’s a question. Has the church thought about the mutuality of this obedience? Will the church, and its leaders in particular, worship their ordinands in return?
I did not promise to obey my husband (surprise surprise) but whan he did say what his new vows were going to be when he was to be ordained I did ask him to question the Bishop as to whose vows took precedence. let’s just say I am still waiting to find out.
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However when he was a VIT and there were clashes of interest let us say, I did invoke the clause about the college (COverdale) being family friendly and the Christian tradition of supporting family life. THis did work with the tutor and given that my husband was not given a grant because I earned too much as a teacher and we had had a letter of thanks from the church authorities thanking and acknowledging this, I felt totally justified when putting my point of view. Family life and other people’s vocation are equally worthy Mr Lay Canon!